Monday Morning Regret is a weekly comedy sports desk written for the moment after the games are over, the adrenaline has worn off, and your group chat has started saying things it can’t defend in daylight. It doesn’t recap scores or argue takes. It processes what the week actually felt like, decides what mattered, and points at what’s coming next. It reads like a live desk show because that’s how it’s meant to play in your head. By the time it’s over, the week has been stamped. Not fixed. Just handled.
pOe:
Welcome to Monday Morning Regret.
Seraleia:
We cover the games—
pOe:
—while the games cover us.
Seraleia:
After an 8–9 season and another midseason slump, Todd Bowles is staying, and if you listen closely, you can hear every Bucs fan silently calculating “maybe 2027?” before they even have their coffee.
pOe:
Josh Grizzard got fired after one season as offensive coordinator, which is impressive because you really feel like you got to know his work. It was familiar. Comforting, even. Two runs up the middle, screen pass, punt. You didn’t have to guess. You could leave the room and come back and nothing had changed.
Seraleia:
USF hired Brian Hartline, and that’s one of those hires where people double-check the press release just to make sure it’s real. Not excitement exactly. More like that quiet pause where everyone agrees, all at once, “Yeah… that’s a big swing.”
pOe:
USF is suddenly cooking in the transfer portal, which is not a sentence I expected to say with a straight face. It’s moving so fast it feels like you missed a week. Like you blinked and they went from “be patient” to “wait, who is that and why did they pick us?” It has that dangerous energy where you don’t even celebrate yet, you just refresh the list like you’re trying to prove it’s real.
Seraleia:
The NHL unveiled a massive climate-controlled tent at Raymond James to build an outdoor rink in Tampa. I appreciate the commitment to the word “outdoor.” Nothing says natural winter like sealing it inside a tent and negotiating with physics.
pOe:
Yanni Gourde finally snapped his goal drought for the Lightning, which honestly felt less like a goal and more like everyone exhaling at the same time. Not celebration exactly. Just that quiet nod that says, “Okay. That was starting to get weird.”
Seraleia:
Alright. Joining us now to put a stamp on Tampa before we widen this thing out… Finesse and Boom. Let’s get into the Maelstrom.
[Sir Finesse slides into frame like he never left it, coat settling, hat untouched, and then Boom lands beside him with a desk-rattling thud that makes the room decide to behave.]
Sir Finesse of the High Score: (hat low, grin sharp)
Aye. Boom and I claim this desk on pirate law, and I’ll tell you what the week is: the Tampa Bay Lightning have ripped nine straight, not by luck, but by habit, by nerve, by that cold-eyed swagger that turns the other bench into excuses and quiet. It’s plunder with manners. It’s violence with a smile. And if you don’t like the language, take it up with the scoreboard.
pOe:
That’s the best part: it doesn’t even feel like a streak, it feels like Tampa remembered who they are and decided to stop negotiating.
Sir Finesse of the High Score: (nods once, satisfied)
Exactly so. When a crew stops askin’ and starts takin’, the numbers follow out of fear alone. Nine straight ain’t a heater, it’s a reputation settlin’ in, and once that sets… it’s hard to scrape off the ice.
Seraleia: (calm, approving)
It’s confident hockey. You can see it in how patient they are with the puck—
BOOM: (cannon fires early)
KRA-THOOM.
[A blast of smoke and signage erupts over the desk mid-sentence. Boom lands heavy through the haze, seams glowing warm, already satisfied.]
Sir Finesse of the High Score: (laughs once, delighted)
Aye, that’ll do. When Boom starts celebratin’ before the sentence ends, you know the crew’s playin’ it right. Nine straight, Lightning bold, and Tampa’s got every reason to enjoy the noise while it lasts. Now let’s widen the map.
[Crypt Keeper Jerry’s fingers and the top of his upside-down head creep into frame from above.]
Seraleia:
Indiana beat Oregon so badly that by the middle of the third quarter it stopped looking like a—
CRYPT KEEPER JERRY:
SKREEEEEEEEEEEEE—!!!
[Crypt Keeper Jerry drops into frame mid-shriek and SLAMS onto the desk right next to Seraleia.]
(half-beat)
pOe: (looks at Jerry. looks at Seraleia. turns back to the audience.)
Miami winning actually makes this fun, because now we get a playoff game where nobody knows whether to be confident or deeply uncomfortable.
Seraleia: (pushes Crypt Keeper Jerry off the desk without looking)
Which is perfect, because now we get a national championship where everyone involved keeps saying, “This is exactly what we expected,” and absolutely nobody believes them.
pOe: (trying not to laugh)
Alright. Joining us now… Boltsy.
pOe: (still trying not to laugh)
So what are we doing this week, Boltsy?
Boltsy:
Yeah, I caught the pirate telling of it earlier, and that was entertaining, but if you’re asking me what we’re talking about today, it’s the nine-game Lightning win streak also, because we are about to make this thing folklore. Kucherov’s driving play every night, not just stacking points but dragging the pace wherever he wants it. Brayden Point is doing the quiet stuff that makes everyone else dangerous. Vasilevskiy’s turning chaos into routine so nobody panics when things get weird.
pOe:
That part’s undeniable.
Seraleia:
Yeah. That’s real.
Boltsy:
And that’s before you even get into what Jon Cooper’s doing, because this team looks coached right now. Lines make sense. Roles make sense. Guys know when to push and when to lock it down. That’s buy-in. That’s a room that trusts the guy behind the bench and doesn’t freelance when things get tight.
And then it spreads. Hagel’s flying because he knows he’s got cover. Nick Paul’s being an absolute problem in the hard areas because nobody’s cheating shifts. Defensemen are finishing plays instead of admiring them. This team isn’t cute right now. It’s heavy. It’s disciplined. It’s the kind of hockey where the other team starts making business decisions halfway through the second because they know they’re in for a long night—
—and that’s when you can really tell, because benches get quiet, shoulders start slumping, guys stop wanting the puck, and you’ve got grown men realizing they’re about to spend another twenty minutes getting leaned on, worn down, and—
pOe & Seraleia: (simultaneously, shouting over him)
—Alright, and that’s Boltsy on the Lightning, folks— —Nine straight, Tampa rolling, we’re gonna take that energy and keep this moving—
pOe:
The Harbaugh brothers are back in the headlines again, and it’s incredible how no matter where they coach, no matter the roster, no matter the decade, they always manage to build teams that feel exactly the same.
Seraleia:
Yeah. Physical. Intense. Loud. And somehow still convinced nobody understands them.
pOe:
Nobody has it like them.
Seraleia:
First Bears playoff win in 15 years, against the Packers, and Chicago reacted like it discovered fire.
pOe:
They partied so hard they started naming things again.
pOe:
The 49ers beat the Eagles, and somehow the biggest storyline wasn’t the win, it was the injuries and a growing theory that a nearby substation is actively hostile to human ligaments.
Seraleia:
That’s not a conspiracy. That’s a zoning issue.
pOe:
I kinda believe it though.
Seraleia:
This is Monday Morning Regret.
pOe:
And we regret nothing.
