SET THE TONE
Vancouver at Detroit. 5–1. And Vancouver showed up like the game was going to ease them into it.
Detroit came out flying, finishing everything, and Vancouver spent the first stretch playing “let’s just get through the first ten.”
YOU HAVE GOT TO SET THE TONE, BOYS!!!!
Patrick Kane hits his 500th and Vancouver lets it turn into a ceremony. No pushback. No “not in here.” Just standing around while the building decides the night.
YOU HAVE GOT TO SET THE TONE, BOYS!!!!
Once they’re chasing, it turns into soft hockey. One more pass. One more look. Waiting for something cleaner while Detroit is just ending plays and ending shifts.
YOU HAVE GOT TO SET THE TONE!!!!
Shots end up looking even if you glance at the sheet. Watch the game and you know better. Detroit’s shots were trying to end it. Vancouver’s were just getting them off.
YOU HAVE GOT TO SET THE TONE!!!!
SHOOT THE PUCK
All week, Elias Pettersson kept acting like the lane was going to get more polite if he waited long enough.
Power play. Puck’s sitting in his wheelhouse. Bodies in front. Goalie can’t see clean. And he’s still holding it like he’s waiting for the crease to clear out and hand him a handshake.
SHOOT THE PUCK!!!!
You’re not a librarian. You’re the trigger.
Next game. Five-on-five. Down a goal. He gets a pocket, D backing in, and instead of snapping it before the sticks fill in, he drags it until it turns into nothing and everybody’s curling back out.
SHOOT THE PUCK!!!!
You had them on their heels. You bailed them out.
Weekend. Inside the dots in stride. This is the exact moment you’re deployed for, and he hesitates like the puck’s a live grenade. Chance dies, defense resets, and we all pretend that was “patience.”
SHOOT THE PUCK!!!!
SNIPE SHOW
There was one goal this week that shut the rink up before the horn even finished echoing.
Broken play at the line. Defender thinks he’s got a step. He doesn’t. Shooter doesn’t dust it off, doesn’t flirt with it, doesn’t look for the pass that makes everyone feel better about themselves.
In stride. Far side. Bar down so clean the goalie doesn’t even bother slamming his stick.
That’s not a highlight. That’s a statement.
That’s a guy deciding the shift is over and the game is his now.
That’s the Snipe Show winner. No arguments. Move on.
Alright, now time for the real snipe show of the week.
HOT HOCKEY BABES
Late whistle. Scramble at the crease. Ref trying to untangle bodies and sticks.
She’s right behind the glass.
Defenseman loses an edge, puck pops loose, hops the wall, and before anyone even reacts she snags it barehanded and drops it cleanly right back to the official like she’s done it a hundred times.
No delay. No look. No “was that on camera?”
Just perfect timing and zero fear.
If you saw that, you know what it is. Tip your cap and keep it moving.
CONE / SIN BIN / BEAUT
CONE
Ottawa went into Colorado and got turned into a practice jersey. Eight-two. Like they were there to help the Avs work on timing.
When you give up that kind of night, you don’t get excuses. You don’t get “schedule” or “travel” or “bounce.”
You get the cone.
SIN BIN
Calgary and Winnipeg spent a night doing that thing where everyone pretends they’re calm while doing the most emotional nonsense possible.
After-whistle garbage, extra shots, and the Department of Player Safety handing out one-game vacations.
That’s not an accident. That’s a choice.
Not smart. Not clean. But it takes a certain confidence to look at the ref and still decide you’re going through someone.
Enjoy the box.
BEAUT
Boone Jenner, first game under a new coach in Columbus.
Goal. Assist. Fight.
Gordie Howe hat trick. Old-school “I’ll do all of it myself” hockey.
That’s not cute skill. That’s tone.
That’s a Beaut. Easy.
PUCK AROUND
The league spent this week pretending it knows who it is.
Ottawa beats Vancouver and everyone acts shocked, like Vancouver hasn’t been auditioning for “almost” all season. Same script. Same ending.
New Jersey lights up a team that’s been sliding and suddenly the narrative flips again. One good night and we’re erasing weeks of tape.
Boston shuts Detroit down and the conversation somehow turns into Detroit’s ceiling instead of Boston’s floor. That tells you exactly where those two actually are.
Columbus wins an emotional one under new leadership and the league convinces itself something changed overnight. It didn’t. It just mattered that night.
Seattle walks the Rangers down with four straight and nobody looks like they know whose job it is to stop it. That’s how skids get real.
And if your team spent the week blaming refs, bounces, or “the schedule,” congratulations. You told on yourself.
Alright, that’s enough puckin’ around.
THUNDERSTRUCK
Now Tampa.
This week didn’t feel cute. It felt intentional.
Breakouts had purpose. Shifts ended when they wanted them to. When the game needed to slow down, it did. When it needed a push, someone gave it one.
There were moments that should’ve annoyed you, and they probably did, but the response mattered. No spirals. No panic hockey. Just back to work.
A couple guys are forcing conversations right now. Ice tilts when they’re out there and teams are starting to plan for it.
Not every win told the truth. One of them lied a little. That happens.
The important part is this team knows who it is again.
Next stretch is where that gets tested. No hiding spots coming.
FIND OUT
Alright, before we get outta here, the Kid’s got notes.
So let me get this straight.
You killed teams for being soft, yelled at a star for refusing to shoot, crowned a goal like it committed a crime, and now you’re telling Lightning fans not to get comfortable?
That seems convenient.
Also, people online are saying that wasn’t even the best goal of the week.
And they definitely noticed you enjoyed that Hot Hockey Babes moment a little too much.
Just relaying what the internet’s saying.
Anyway, this episode was brought to you by the Foundation for Definitely Real Hockey Accountability, reminding you that if you puck around long enough…
…you find out.
